why...n why..n why..??

Dear blog…

Miss u a lot since I’m rarely talked to u…

Don’t know if tonight I can get to u...

Plss tell me dear, how to trust someone u love when he often lied to u, n he caught on what he lied??huhu…
I juz can scream, shout at him, but then with all his prob,
I thought that’s the worse thing I’ve done
after he begging for forgiveness n promises dat it’s not gonna happen again..
even I knew it will happen again..
what a kind hearted I am..huh!!

Ughhhh…it’s so hard to me.
Ummi told to create a gap btw us but it seems like we’re to close to each other!
N there’s no way I’ll keep distance from him cause I just can’t!
His kindness, his lovingness, really make me crazy at him
and made me alwiz take his apologize.
After all, he had all da things I asked for from my r’ship before.
but….ughhh…

And if we had a fight (even on such lil’ things..haha..)
We’ll yell, shout and scream at each other
which it never happens to me before.
And after all, I started crying myself...
n start to think why would dis happen to me?

And the worse, I’ll think ‘bout my eX...
Y he did dis to me??
Y he makes me to get through all dis again..??!!
N all dis thoughts make me ask myself, whether I’m ready or not for dis r’ship??

N like Ummi said before, that mayb I’m not prepare myself enough,
get ready myself n to soon to has other boyfriend..huhu..
Kecit also said that Ummi mayb right, but there’s no way to turning back.
N if I did, there’s some1 will get hurt.
Some1 who loves me so much, who cares bout me more than himself..

n what hell I’m thinking bout my eX
n asking whether I’m ready or not,
when it was clearly dat I knew he’ll be engaged to that woman dis May!!
Ugh…y it seems so easy on him??

Mayb because he’ll gives a chance to his heart while I’m not??
Is it??

I really had no words to tell what I get through rite now..
n I’ll juz pray for the best n hope dat he’ll change.
What I want to do else??
He’s perfect instead his ‘panas baran’ n lying things
which da truth dat he had to lie juz to make me no worries, not mad at him n etc..etc..!

huh….it is juz a new episode in my life
n..i juz hav to get used to it..probably!